


foolproof

by belldroy101



Category: VIXX
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Compliant, Dom/sub Undertones, Friends to Lovers, Hyung Kink, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, this is Canonverse meets Kdrama meets RomCom, you know how it goes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-06 13:56:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17346443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belldroy101/pseuds/belldroy101
Summary: "Listen, the only way to know if the kids really don't like you, is to take away all the affection. Give it a few weeks, and if they don't come running back- you'll know for sure.”Hakyeon gives him a reproachful look from across the table.“I’m serious man! They tested it on like, monkeys or some shit. Foolproof.”





	foolproof

**Author's Note:**

> this is completely self indulgent and completely fictional
> 
> shoutout to [these](https://twitter.com/cosyhongbin/status/1077007992426512384) [tweets](https://twitter.com/iRysdescent/status/1048754875482296320) for giving me the drive to finish this bc hongbin is a Baby and I Love Him
> 
> a few notes
> 
> 1\. although this is loosely in canonverse in the sense that vixx and other idols exist and it essentially follows the same timeline that vixx irl have, like i said in the tags this has a lot of influence from a kdrama, rom com perspective. so with that being said i think the best way to read this is keeping that context in mind, in the sense that rom coms don't take themselves too seriously, and the situations and decisions that happen are a little exaggerated and more far fetched because they're supposed to be.
> 
> i'm basically saying that this isn't a Gritty Canon kind of fic like i've done in the past, it's supposed to be more fun and fictional while also commenting on some of the insecurities and intricacies that exist within these relationships and characters (i.e hakyeon's desire for validation through physical affection, hongbin's internalized homophobia)
> 
> 2\. as a warning, there is a brief few sentences where a panic attack is described. it's not super long, but i figured i'd mention just to be on the safe side. if you want to avoid it, it begins at the end of "ashamed of" and ends around "hongbin's head." under the heading of week 3 day 3. 
> 
> 3\. this is a relatively loose timeline, but i see it taking place either around shangri la or dynamite 
> 
> 4\. the last bit of this is one of the filthiest things i've ever written and i did it instead of writing my proposal for my research so shout out to me
> 
> enjoy!!

**Week XXX, Day XXX (Prologue)**

Cha Hakyeon is not known for making stupid, impulsive decisions.

If anything, one thing he’s always prided himself on is his level-headedness. He would not have made it this far as VIXX’s leader without that- and any hasty carelessness he may have once possessed has long been stamped out, either by age or by the consistent pressure that is looking after five lives as well as your own.

Cha Hakyeon is not impulsive. He does not act without thinking things through, which is why Minhyuk’s dumb plan should not have happened in the first place.

If anything, he can blame it on the alcohol. He doesn’t see Minhyuk has often as he’d like, but the two try and meet up at least once or twice a month between their separate schedules and separate lives so Minhyuk can drink and laugh and be lighthearted and Hakyeon can whine and moan a bit about the demands of being the leader. Ever since their schedules together had pushed the other man into his life, Hakyeon trusted him to be a source of bright company in a frustratingly isolated world. Every now and then Eunkwang comes along too, and keeps the mood even brighter with his capacity to care and his surefire good nature. Rarer even still, is other early 90’s liners- someone like Kibum or Seokjin, who are welcome additions to their merry little group. But both are engrossed in their own ventures- like fashion in Kibum’s case, or rapid popularity in Seokjin’s.

Truthfully, they can be a sad group. They are not the bright eyed idol’s they all once were, and the industry has scarred them and hardened them in their own ways. But it is a comfort, to not be alone in these experiences, even if they’re not quite the same. Their problems are not twins, not quite, but they are siblings at best and distant cousins at worst. And home is where the heart is, cousins and all, so here they all end up.

Still, there is no rest for the wicked- and that is why it turns out being just Hakyeon and Minhyuk that night. And like most people, Hakyeon has good days and bad days. But the life he lives is often so topsy turvy in emotion he finds it helpful to divide it further than that- into good hours and bad hours, good minutes and bad minutes, some happening so close together it gives him whiplash. But it helps, to know that he can have little victories in the good, and that the bad can come just as quickly as it can then go. But right now he is having a bad minute, maybe even a bad hour. He’s trying to focus on what exactly it is that Minhyuk is saying to him, but his mind is miles and miles away- on a distant planet far away from here.

“Hello? Earth to Hakyeonnie? Are you listening to a word I’m saying?” Minhyuk laughs from across the table.

Hakyeon brings a smile back to his face and says, “I’m sorry, I think I’m thinking too much.”

“I didn’t mean to ignore you.” He adds.

Minhyuk’s demeanor changes immediately. His posture straightens, his expression softens, and his eyes open in that mix of caring and attentive that Hakyeon is so grateful for.

He really, _really_ loves his friends.

“Well then hit me with it, that’s what these monthly sessions are actually for you know.”

Minhyuk finishes his statement with a wink, “I’m the best unpaid therapist in Seoul.”

“Yeah, you keep believing that.”

“Nope. No focusing in on me and trying to deflect with more witty banter. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Hakyeon almost protests that Minhyuk had started their witty banter in the first place, but instead he just leaves it alone and gives in.

“I just, I don’t know. Do you ever feel….” He struggles to find the words, taps his fingers against the glass in his hands, feels as though they’ve had this conversation a million and one times over the years.

“...underappreciated?” He settles on.

Minhyuk’s eyebrows furrow, “In what way?”

“Just in general.”

“Sometimes, I mean-, I wish our music was listened to by more people, or I wish we got more recognition for the things we do, and with that I wish we had more money so the members can live comfortably. We’re only human after all.”

“But do you ever feel- like from your members?”

A pause.

“Oh Hakyeon,” Minhyuk murmurs, and the way he instantly knows what’s on his mind is both telling of Minhyuk’s great ability to listen and what feels to Hakyeon like his own endless transparency.

“I know- I know they can’t _help_ it. I know that some people are just naturally more affectionate than others, I know that I just so happened to end up leading a group of people who really aren’t affectionate. I know that just because they don’t show it doesn’t mean they don’t feel it. I know it’s unfair of me to want them to but I just- I just-”

He looks down into his drink, “I can’t help feeling this way sometimes.”

“Well, what brought it up this time?”

“I don’t know just- promotion preparations I suppose. The interview cycle, you know how it is. They make jokes, I laugh along. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn’t. I guess this time it did.”

“Why don’t you talk to them about it?”

“Because it really isn’t...it isn’t even really verbal stuff anymore. Since I went over that with them and they’ve all grown up that has gone away on its own. Now it’s just..I just..is it wrong to want them to be physically affectionate with me? I’m not- I don’t need anything crazy and I don’t even need them to _initiate,_ you know? But it’s just when they reject all of my advances so often- it just _feels_ personal I guess.”

“That makes sense Hakyeon, you’re not wrong for feeling that way.”

“And I hate talking about it because I don’t want to make it sound like they’re _cruel_ , because they’re not. They’re great kids, and I love them I do and I know they feel the same I just-”

“Want them to show it?”

“Maybe a little.” Hakyeon admits.

Minhyuk raises his eyebrows.

“Okay, okay, maybe a lot.”

Minhyuk puts his chin in his hands for a long moment, pondering this new dilemma lain out before them. Hakyeon sips his drink, and relaxes back in his seat. Truthfully, talking already making him feel a little better. His problems often cannot be fixed so quickly, but at the very least they can be sated enough for the night to pass smoothly. This is all he needed. He’s about to tell Minhyuk as such when the other suddenly sits up in his seat.

“I’ve got an idea! Hakyeon, I’m a genius.”

“I seriously doubt-” He starts.

“No really Hakyeon, this is gonna make you feel so much better. I know exactly what to do.”

So normally, this is where Hakyeon would be rational, and assure Minhyuk that he did not need this help, but it was greatly appreciated. And this is where the path ahead was altered, the first choice Hakyeon made.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was his insecurity, maybe it was how vulnerable he actually felt- sitting in this hard seat nursing a beer on a Tuesday night, as an aging idol in an industry where growing older feels like a timer rapidly counting down. But whatever it was, instead of shutting the conversation down, he looks at Minhyuk and asks, “What is it?”

"Listen, the only way to know if the kids really don't like you, is to take away all the affection. Give it a few weeks, and if they don't come running back- you'll know for sure.”

Hakyeon gives him a reproachful look from across the table.

“I’m serious man! They tested it on like, monkeys or some shit. Foolproof.”

“What does any of that even mean? What are you _actually_ suggesting I do?”

“Okay listen- give me a second the alcohol is catching up but- basically. Your whole thing is you try and be affectionate and cuddly with them and they shut you down, right?”

Hakyeon nods.

“They’re _desensitized_ to it man, they’re unaffected, they know you’re gonna come back with more so they act like they don’t care. They know you’ll always relent when they give you shit for it but what happens-” Minhyuk smiles, “If you just take it all away?”

“...I assume they will go on still not caring?”

His friend looks affronted at the response, “Come on Hakyeon-ah, I can’t believe you just said that. Of course not.”

“They’ll realize how much they miss it. Maybe not right away, maybe not at first, but eventually- it will hit them _my hyung isn’t giving me attention like he used to_ , and then it will be all they’re able to think about.”

Hakyeon is thinking he really should cut off Minhyuk from the bar and get him home right about now.

“And then, _and then_ , they’ll eventually come to _you,_ asking why hyung has been so cold to them, maybe even admitting how much they missed it. And boom, proof that they love you, and want you to cuddle them even though they don’t often admit it. And everyone is happy and Hakyeon is no longer sad. And Minhyukkie is a genius.”

Hakyeon stares at him for a long moment.

“Yeah...I think it’s time we get you home buddy.”

Minhyuk protests as they stumble out onto the curb, but falls asleep in the cab ride home. After Hakyeon rouses him enough to make sure he gets up the stairs on his own and through the door- much to Ilhoon’s waiting chagrin, he heads home himself. By the time he gets back, he has completely forgotten about what his friend had said. He was so distracted by the other’s antics that the silly proposal had entirely left his mind.

It’s not until he’s lying in an empty bed later; thinking (in that way that only alcohol can do to you) about all the times he’s doubted himself, all the times he’s wondered, even when they assure him they’re just joking- maybe they’re lying. And Hakyeon is so _tired_ \- bone deep, to his very core, of being afraid, of being unsure.

He can think of no better solutions. If this is even a solution at all.

Hakyeon is not impulsive, not usually, not after all these years. This could blow up in his face, this could make him even more hurt, this was not a good idea. Not by a longshot.

And yet.

Hakyeon falls asleep before he makes a decision on what to do, but truthfully, he just doesn’t want to admit to himself that his mind has already been made up.

 

* * *

 

**Week 1, Day 1**

First things first- he lays out some ground rules for himself.

Rule #1: He can’t do this to the whole group- they’ll catch on too quickly and delegitimize the whole plan. So instead, Sanghyuk and Hongbin are the biggest perpetrators and thus the biggest targets.

Rule #2: Extenuating circumstances where they need his comfort are not a part of the experiment, just in case something serious happens. He would never deny them when they’re upset.

Rule #3: He’ll do it for 3 weeks. Just three. That’s it.

And if at the end of three weeks, they don’t seem to notice the difference that that proves? What exactly?

He doesn’t even really know. He supposes it proves that it really is just him, and he needs to get his validation in other ways. And that’s a reality he needs to live with from now on.

But it wouldn’t be the end of the world. If the kids don’t say anything then that’s fine. Nobody got hurt, it’s just a harmless little experiment for him to know. Who evens knows if he’ll follow it all the way through, he could forget about this whole thing in a few days time. A few hours even.

The only person at risk is himself, and Hakyeon is more than used to carrying a burden alone.

 

* * *

 

**Week 1, Day 3**

It’s not easy at first.

He’s so used to casual affection that taking it away is hard. An arm slung across someone’s waist, a hand through someone’s hair, these things are natural to him after five years, so it takes an active effort on his part to stop them.

They’re doing preparations for a comeback right now, so the days are busy and full of exhausting practice. In a way that makes it easier, because Hakyeon is so distracted by the numerous responsibilities he has to keep in line that he doesn’t even see the members much. It’s not until they’re all in the dance studio and it’s past midnight and Sanghyuk had just nailed an absolutely beautiful turn (that he never could have done 2 years ago) that Hakyeon has to try really hard to remember to not pull the youngest into a proud, stiff hug.

And it’s not until Hongbin pushes through his exhaustion and keeps trying to improve the one part of the choreography he just can’t get and that everyone else has moved on from. He patiently listens to Hakyeon’s advice and holds back his frustrations, when a few comebacks ago Hakyeon knows he would have started snapping. He has to try very hard to remember to not push back Hongbin’s sweaty bangs from his forehead and rub his nape while Hongbin whines.

So he settles for affection in other ways, mostly through his words. Fills them with as much praise and positivity as he can muster for the two youngest. And it’s worth it because for a moment Sanghyuk beams at him and Hongbin smiles that grateful smile that is only for Hakyeon because they’ve known each other the longest and he knows how to pick the other up no matter how far he falls- and for a moment, for that blissful moment, it is all fine.

It’ll be fine. It’s a piece of cake. And this feels almost like compromise, like the members have complained for years about the way he acts, and now he’s correcting it but still getting to show them just how much he loves them. Maybe by the end of it he’ll even _prefer_ leaving them to their own devices. Maybe he’ll grow out of it. Finally.

Everybody wins.

And as they head home for the night, Wonshik, sweet, lovely Wonshik, pulls Hakyeon into a sidehug and Hakyeon gets to indulge it because this isn’t in the rules. Hakyeon had debated including Wonshik in his plan since he was among Hongbin and Sanghyuk in the youngest 3.  But the boy was one of the only kids who enjoyed his skinship as much as he did, and he would never want to deny him of anything. So instead Hakyeon lets himself bask in how good it feels to hold him close, and he thinks it’ll tide him over just fine.

The kids don’t owe him anything, he does not have any right to their love- that is entirely their own. At the very least, he can accept a hug from Wonshik and know that he has something.

And that can be enough.

 

* * *

 

**Week 1, Day 7**

The next few days pass by with little incident. Hakyeon thinks he is doing a very good job at exercising self restraint- he’s taken up carrying a stress ball with him so his hands are occupied, and it actually does help in general. Maybe it’s a sign of him getting old, but some physical release of tension that wasn’t as exhausting as dancing definitely was a positive.  However with the members he has, the useful little stress ball had lasted all of a day and a half before Jaehwan was overzealous and popped it, spilling wet sand all over the floor of their dorm and his new pants that he’d been bragging about. Sanghyuk thought it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen, and had been making some increasingly tasteless jokes involving the sandy crotch of Jaehwan’s pants that Hakyeon had taken the liberty of pointedly stopping in their tracks.

But regardless of that, tonight was the only time he truly almost slips up.

In his defense though, it was a knee jerk reaction. Hongbin is complaining about a sore ankle, and Hakyeon is already moving towards him with his arms outstretched before he remembers what he’s doing. So he instead diverts his path, trying in vain to downplay what was very clearly going to be a comfort hug. What ends up happening is he wraps his arms around the potted plant next to Hongbin instead, and Hakyeon tries to look as though he’s thoroughly examining the foliage.

Hakyeon carefully strokes the leaves and throws in a, “Wow, it’s real after all.” for good measure, before he steps out of the embrace. He feels Taekwoon’s eyes boring into his back, and he knows that he’s absolutely going to get made fun of later for this. Meanwhile Hongbin gives him a judging look, but just shakes his head with a mumble of, “Weird hyung.” and limps over to sit on the bench next to Taekwoon.

After that, Hakyeon is sure that Hongbin knows something is up. The younger keeps giving him these suspicious glances, and he can feel eyes on him whenever he interacts with the other members. That night in the dorm, Jaehwan sprawls across his lap while rehearsing lines for his upcoming musical, and Hakyeon sighs and puts his hand in his hair to stop him from whining. He notices Hongbin watching them from his spot on the couch with his eyes narrowed. Hongbin doesn’t say anything to them for the rest of the night, and goes back into his room without another word.

“What’s up with him?” Jaehwan laughs.

Hakyeon just coughs awkwardly into his hand and focuses on something else instead.

 

* * *

 

**Week 2, Day 3**

Hongbin is _definitely_ onto him.

Now his eyes are always on Hakyeon, tracking his movements and what he’s doing. It’s making him nervous, making him feel as though a confrontation is brewing, but he doesn’t even know how that subject would come up. It’s starting to drive him crazy, mostly because after five years together Hakyeon still doesn’t know what’s going on in Hongbin’s head. He keeps himself well guarded, and the leader may know his quirks and his habits, his fears and his weaknesses, but for the love of god he cannot read that boy’s emotions at all.

That night, he comes home pretty late- probably close to 3am. With the comeback only two days away, he’d had some last minute things at the company he had to finish up before he could finally rest. He’s getting ready for bed when he hears noise coming from Hongbin’s bedroom, and he shakes his head in annoyance. He’s told the younger a million times that he can’t be up late gaming when the comeback is almost on them. He _needs_ the rest, and Hakyeon finds himself irritated. Hongbin knows better than this, he’s _taught_ him better than this, and if Hakyeon let himself entertain the thought he might almost think that Hongbin is acting out on purpose- just to get his attention. But at 3am with exhaustion in his bones, it doesn’t even cross his mind.

“Bin,” Hongbin looks up as he walks into the room, and Hakyeon was right- he’s wearing his gaming headset, “What are you doing? Are you insane? It’s time to go to sleep.”

Hongbin doesn’t look up from the screen, “Where were you?”

“I was at the company, doing work.” He says tiredly, moving to stand in front of the monitor, “Now come on, go to bed.”

Hongbin has a look on his face that is almost petulant, and Hakyeon is eerily reminded of a young Sanghyuk.

“You’re not my _dad,_  hyung. I don’t need to listen to you.”

“Haha. Very funny,” He tries, “Now come on. Go to bed.”

“No, I mean it.” Hongbin says sharply.

Now _that_ was surprising.

Sure, sometimes the members got annoyed when he’d direct them, or Sanghyuk would complain and tease when Hakyeon tried to get him to do something. And Hongbin would give him shit during interviews, yeah, but he was always polite and always obedient when they were behind closed doors. Very, very rarely was Hongbin ever disrespectful to him, and even rarer still was he ever directly _defiant._

Hakyeon has never been one to yell, he’s heard stories of other idol leaders asserting their dominance in that way, but he has never felt the desire to use that to handle problems. He’s always found that his quiet sternness is all the members need to start listening, so he keeps his voice soft, “You’re right, I can’t control what you do. Do whatever you want Bin. But as your hyung, and as someone who loves you,” He says carefully, “ _And_ as someone who needs to think about the team. I’m telling you that if you don’t sleep you will be miserable, and your performance will suffer and so will the team, and you are smart enough and old enough to know that.”

Hongbin scowls.

“So I’ll telling you, it would be good for you to go to bed. You don’t want to listen? That’s _fine._ ” Hongbin’s scowl deepens, “But when I’m hard on you tomorrow because you’re not doing as you should- I don’t expect any of this damn attitude.”

And with that, he turns to leave.

“Wait! Wait, hyung.” Hongbin calls, getting up out of his seat and trying to wrench his headset off of him- he gets tangled in the cords as he does it and Hakyeon hears him cursing under his breath.

He counts to five to keep his patience in check and then turns back around.

“You don’t,” Hongbin sputters, “You don’t get to do that! Not when you’re the one who’s been- been punishing me for days! You don’t get to act surprised when I’m mean!”

Hakyeon stares at him blankly.

“What do you mean, Hongbin?”

“Don’t- don’t do that.” The other says, as he stalks past Hakyeon to shut the door behind them, and Hakyeon remembers that the other members are likely in bed by now, so he keeps his voice low.

“Do _what?”_

“Act like you don’t know! Just be honest with me! Did I do something wrong? Did I fuck up at rehearsal? What is it?”

“Hongbin- what? Of course not, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Why are you- why haven’t you know, you know,”

Hakyeon gives him an incredulous look.

“Whyhaven’tyoubeencuddlingmelikeyouusedto?” Hongbin bursts out in a rush of breath.

Hakyeon stares at him, shellshocked.

Somewhere, he’s sure Minhyuk is giggling like a maniac.

“I- Hongbin, you,”

He pauses to gather his thoughts, suddenly feeling wide awake.

“You..you thought that the reason I wasn’t being physical with you was because? Because I was trying to _punish_ you for something?”

“Well, what other reason would there be? You do it all the time, and it seems like you’re still doing it with everyone else- except me.” He says miserably, and Hakyeon is filled with something he certainly didn’t expect to feel during the duration of this stupid, dumb plan.

Guilt.

“Hongbin, Binnie, no.” He murmurs, “I’m not trying to do that at all. I just- you never seemed particularly bothered whenever I did it or not. I thought you didn’t want me to do that stuff is all and well- honestly, I was having dinner the other ni-”

“Well yeah,-” Hongbin cuts him off, before Hakyeon can tell him exactly what happened. Before he can tell him about Minhyuk and the stupid plan and his rules and why exactly he had decided to do it in the first place, before he could come clean about everything he was feeling and why he had felt desperate enough to try some stupid experiment. The reason why he was still doing this stupid thing in the first place, why he hadn’t just stopped after a few days, why he was now committed to seeing it through.

“I don’t want you doing that stuff,” Hongbin says, “it’s gross and- and whatever but like, seeing you suddenly stop was just, really weird for me. You know? But now that we talked about it, it’s fine. I know I didn’t do anything wrong so.” He shrugs, “Oh well. We’re good now.”

“I-” Hakyeon starts, but once again he has no idea what to say, but there’s another emotion now. Unjustifiable and unfair. Brought on by the fact that he had actually been dumb enough to think that Hongbin was going to say what he wanted him to say. And then what? He thinks bitterly. They’d actually have some heart to heart at 3am where Hongbin would say that he wants Hakyeon? What kind of idiot is Hakyeon trying to be?

It’s obvious, how Hongbin feels. It always has been- and if it hadn’t- then he certainly made himself clear just now. The guilt is gone, and it’s replaced by one thing.

It’s hurt.

And he hates himself for feeling it and he hates himself because there’s nothing wrong with what Hongbin said but he’s upset anyway and he hates himself for not being able to articulate how he feels and for getting his hopes up for- for something he can’t even name and in this moment he hates Hongbin too, just a little, because he represents all of these things in the form of a twenty five year old man with a pretty smile and deep dimples.

“Well, if that’s how you feel, then I’m glad we got that sorted out.” He says quietly.

They both stay quiet for a moment, the air thick with an unnamed tension. Hakyeon wonders if Hongbin can feel it too. The answer is most likely no, it’s probably all in his head anyway.

“Yeah. Well, I’m actually pretty sleepy so I think I will go to bed.”

“Yeah,” He replies numbly, “Good.”

Dimly, he feels himself stand up and his legs move him towards the door. He hears Hongbin turn off the console and get into bed.

“Wait hyung,” Hongbin says one more time, looking sheepish, “I just, I am sorry. For snapping earlier. That was uncalled for, and I know you were just trying to look out for me.”

“It’s alright Bin, goodnight.”

“Goodnight hyung.”

 

* * *

 

**Week 2, Day 5**

They’re running the press circuit for the comeback, and it’s the usual type of thing. Questions they’ve all heard before, making sure that everyone gets a chance to talk, making sure that no one fades into the background. He can tell that Hongbin is tired- he’s never been as good as Hakyeon at hiding exhaustion, and if he can tell then so can the fans, and so can the press, and that is a problem.

He manages to keep his energy up by feeding him unhealthy drinks and telling Sanghyuk and Jaehwan to go wild- their liveliness helping the other boy along. By midday, Hongbin is looking more alive, and Hakyeon lets himself relax a little. They’re old pros at this, and this is just another day in their lives. He checks his texts during breaktime and smiles.

Minhyukkie: happy comeback!!! Proud of u :*** hang in there!!!

ChaHakyeon: thank you, grateful to have you <3

Minhyukkie: We have to meet up again when you have time!!! I love you!! Hope things are going okay with the kiddos.

He debates telling Minhyuk about the fact that he actually is implementing his stupid plan, but thinks better of it and turns his phone off as they get out of the car and onto the next interview. It feels foolish now, sober and all by himself, to be doing it. It feels, weak, in a way, and maybe he doesn’t want to admit that to anyone else quite yet. He doesn’t want to tell Minhyuk unless something actually comes of it, and then when it’s over he can meet up with the other and cry a little bit and then grow up and move on.

And later on,

“N-hyung is like a leech,” Hongbin says, with his sweet smile, his pretty dimples showing, “He gets one look at you and-”

“Bam!” Sanghyuk interjects, the interviewer looks amused at their actions so Hakyeon calls this a win and doesn’t correct them. “He never lets you go, no matter how hard we try and pull him off.”

Sanghyuk mimics a face then, probably a poor imitation of a leech.

“You look like a fish, stupid.” Jaehwan chimes in, and that sends them into a whirlwind of bickering. Hakyeon gently gets them back on track, and ignores how the insult was directed at him.

And later, after the cameras are off and the makeup has been scrubbed away, he hears it. His door creaking open, he doesn’t bother to check the time. Night time visitors are more infrequent now with their advancing ages, but no less familiar.

Hongbin is creeping into his bed, his head resting on his chest.

“I wanted to say sorry again for last night, hyung.” He whispers, and since he initiated it Hakyeon is pretty sure this doesn’t count for the plan- and even if it was he doesn’t have the energy to kick the younger out. And Hongbin is so rare to be here with him, so he puts his hand on his nape and the other around his waist to pull him closer. He sighs.

“It’s alright, I know.”

He wonders then if Hongbin is going to ask him the million dollar question, if Hakyeon wasn’t avoiding contact with him to punish him, than why was he doing it? He knows Hongbin is smart enough to think of that question, he knows it’s crossed his mind. And for all their years together and all the ways he does not know what is going on in Hongbin’s head- one thing he does know is this.

Hongbin would prefer to not know, then to get an answer he doesn’t like. That’s why he had waited all those days before finally snapping at him, he was just the type to let things build up until they finally exploded. And he hated to be the one to start hard conversations in general, often just avoiding the issue altogether. It’s easier sometimes, safer even, to be in the dark.

So he doesn’t ask, and Hakyeon doesn’t tell him.

But Hongbin doesn’t move, after Hakyeon accepts his apology, he just stays in Hakyeon’s bed, and lets him hold him close.

“Hyung, I’m so tired.” He murmurs.

“I know, it was a long day.”

“Can I just, can I maybe just stay here? My room is kind of far away.”

“Yes.” He whispers. He knows that isn’t true, and he could easily call Hongbin out on it. He knows that Hongbin just doesn’t know how to ask for things he wants, and he would rather make up flimsy, cardboard excuses than admit things he finds embarrassing. But it’s not often that Hongbin lets himself go this far, and Hakyeon assumes he’s swallowing his pride and trying to make it up to Hakyeon for being rude to him the night before. So, he says yes.

It’s safer here, in the dark. For both of them.

(And Hongbin is asleep and snoring softly into his neck within minutes. )

Hakyeon stays awake for awhile longer, thinking. Because he is a leader, and not just that, he is a careful, cautious leader, and he knows what he needs to do. He has been doing this long enough to know that something like this is only going to grow more complex the longer it festers. And it can grow into something more unhealthy than he had originally thought, and he is old enough to know that if he’s not careful this can end very, very poorly. He does not want to end up resenting his members- he loves them far too much to be able to live with that.

Hongbin might hate him for it.

But they need to talk about this.

 

* * *

 

**Week 2, Day 6**

Getting a win on music shows used to feel like a victory, now it just comes as a relief. It’s like every time he can breathe again. The phrases that repeat again and again: they still love you, you are still liked, you have not been forgotten, you still have more time.

So he stands on the stage, holds the trophy in his hands, and he breathes.

They don’t have promotions until late the next day, so Hakyeon allows them to go out and celebrate. They end up at a bar near Hongdae. Honestly, it’s a little young for his tastes. The music a little too loud, with acne ridden college students crawling across the dance floor and young girls with perky smiles giggling behind their hands and trying to pick out which boys are idol trainees. They all hang close together, messes of hormones and half-baked dreams, and he is reminded of simpler times- he was once like that himself after all.

And god does it make Hakyeon feel _ancient_.

But he wants the kids to have a good time, so he doesn’t go home and instead stays perched on a barstool.

Pretty soon Hakyeon is tipsy, and Hongbin is wasted. The others are somewhere in between.

Hongbin isn’t even really a heavy drinker, and he certainly isn’t a lightweight either, so Haykeon is a little concerned at how overboard he went tonight. At first though, before he notices the state that Hongbin is in, he’s content to just sit back and watch the others do their own things, and laugh with their managers over what feels like an ever growing gap between themselves and what the younger people like. He’s texting his friends on and off, and sipping his drink, and it’s nice to have a moment to relax when they still have another few weeks of long days ahead of them.

It’s not until Taekwoon comes up to hang out with him and they both see just how absolutely gone that Hongbin is that he gets concerned. The younger is more shy by nature, so even when he’s drunk out of his mind he’s still sticking close to Sanghyuk’s side.

“What is going on with that kid,” He says to Taekwoon, raising his voice to be heard over the music, “He’s been acting weird for days.”

“I don’t know, have you noticed anything with his friends? Maybe a girlfriend?”

“Hongbin would never be able to keep a girlfriend a secret, maybe it is his friends.” He muses.

“He should go sleep it off.”

Hakyeon nods in agreement.

“Do you wanna take him home or do you want me to?” Taekwoon asks.

“Rock, paper, scissors?”

A minute later he is swearing to himself as he goes to get a wasted Hongbin from Sanghyuk, who has him making crumpled paper airplanes out of bar napkins and is passionately trying to convince him to go out on the dance floor. They’re surrounded by girls, so Hakyeon is sure word got around that two debuted idols who were young and handsome and available are on the premises, and every women within a mile radius had come to shoot their shot. He ignores everyone’s drunken protests as he takes the completely out-of-it Hongbin by the arm, and he stops by Taekwoon on their way out to remind him to make sure Sanghyuk isn’t torn apart by adoring females.

He manages to get Hongbin all the way back to the dorm-  and he’s not surprised to find that it’s entirely empty. Hakyeon has no idea where the others are, but he trusts Taekwoon to make sure no one does anything too crazy, and assumes they’ll come stumbling home at some point. He gets Hongbin to his room, and realizes he know has the issue of a grown man drunk out of his mind, who is still fully clothed.

Even after all these years, the days are still somehow full of surprises.

“Bin, can you take off your socks and shoes for me? You can’t sleep in them.”

“Ugh,” Hongbin whines, lying facedown on his bed, “It’s too- too difficult hyung, I can’t do it. Can you do it for me?”

“Are you fucking ser-”

“Please?” And Hongbin is looking up at him, twisting his neck around so he can see those big eyes that Hakyeon still can’t say no to.

He sighs.

“Fine.”

And that’s how Hakyeon finds himself, a man approaching 30, struggling to pull a grown man’s socks off at 3:23 in the morning and he can’t help but think that he is way too damn old for this nonsense.

And Hongbin is no help, giggling and laughing all the while as though this is the funniest thing he has ever seen, and Hakyeon thanks whatever entity is up in the sky for the god given patience he has been given that prevents him from snapping one of his dongsaengs necks.

He finally manages to get Hongbin into his bed, still in jeans and a shirt but he wouldn’t have been able to justify undressing him any further. Hongbin has quieted down so he’s just looking at Hakyeon with this wide, pensive look on his face, and Hakyeon won’t deny- it’s cute. Hongbin has always been an enigma to him, always a strange mix of hard and soft, that it’s fun when he shows this side of him. He lets himself admire the boy for one more look, before he figures it’s time to say goodnight.

“Well, sleep well Bin. If you need to throw up go to the bathroom please. I’ll see you in the morning. ”

He nods at the other and then stands to leave. Normally, if he wasn’t doing the experiment, he would’ve done something else, a hand in his hair, a pat on his shoulder, maybe even a forehead kiss if Hongbin would indulge him. But he is, so he doesn’t do any of that, and puts his hand on the doorknob. Planning to grab some water and a painkiller that he can leave next to the youngers bed.

“Wait!” Hongbin calls, sitting up, “Come back!”

“What is it?”

“You wanna know a secret?”

Hakyeon sighs, “Hongbin, you really need to go to sleep.”

“Come- come on, it’s a really good one.”

And Hongbin sounds so cajoling, pulling out every trick in the book of making Hakyeon do something that he wants. He’s using his eyes, his dimples, his voice, to his advantage.

“Alright, what is the secret?”

“You have to come closer hyung- you’re too far away.”

He comes back and sits on the bed near Hongbin’s feet. Before he knows it, Hongbin is out from under the covers and he’s crawling forward on his knees, until he is practically in Hakyeon’s lap. Hakyeon automatically puts his arms around Hongbin’s waist to steady him; he can’t tell if the deep red covering the younger’s face is from the alcohol, or from the embarrassment he no doubt feels at doing this.

Probably both.

The alcohol is making Hongbin brave, but not too brave. He still hides his face in Hakyeon’s neck, his breath warming Hakyeon’s skin, and Hakyeon forgets how to breathe. He tries to make peace with the fact that he has lost all control of the situation here, and now he is merely an observer. He just the man holding the younger steady so he doesn’t fall, and waiting to see what exactly Hongbin is going to say.

“What’s the secret?”

“I’m-I don’t know if I should tell you.”

Hakyeon has no idea what the fuck he’s doing.

“Why? You made hyung wait here this whole time for you.”

“It’mbarrassing” Hongbin mumbles.

“You’ve come this far, why not just tell me so we can go to bed?” He whispers back, “I want to go to sleep Hongbin.”

“Okay.”

Hongbin says this, but is quiet for another long, long moment. He seems to be working up the courage. But then he looks Hakyeon straight in the face and says,

“I- I like being hyung’s baby.”

And it’s almost an out of body experience;  because he has this somber, serious expression that is so incredibly _Hongbin_ it almost belies the words that the boy just said. Hakyeon is almost sure that he imagined this, that he’s drunker than he thought, because there is no way Hongbin actually just said that to him. No way.

Somewhere, Minhyuk is losing his _fucking_ mind.

Because Hakyeon absolutely is.

“What- what did you say Binnie?”

“I like-I like,” He hiccups, “I like being hyung’s baby, I like being held. And when he calls me Binnie. I like that a lot.”

“I- I see.” He says lamely, because he truly has no idea what else to say.

“It’s embarrassing,” Hongbin repeats, clearer this time, “Wish I didn’t.”

“Hey, hey, hey, there’s nothing wrong with feeling like that. Hyung likes taking care of you Bin.”

“I shouldn’t like it though.” Hongbin sighs.

“Who said so?”

“I did. It’s- it’s weird. Wrong.”

“Well it includes hyung, right? And hyung doesn’t think it’s weird _or_ wrong. So you shouldn’t either.”

“I guess.” Hongbin murmurs, hands still tight on Hakyeon’s shoulders.

And Hakyeon is hit with a wave, so powerful it shocks him, so unexpected it almost knocks him over. He’s used to waves of emotion, used to waves of love that come with being the leader of five other people. They come often, and always knock the breath out of him with their intensity.

But this, this is something different.

It’s a wave of _longing,_ bittersweet and painful. He does not know what he longs for, he’s still a little tipsy and Hongbin just laid a lot on him all at once. But in five years, Hongbin had never said something like this to him before.

And maybe that’s what makes it all so bittersweet, that Hakyeon has always been willing to give, thinking that Hongbin was not willing to receive. When the reality could have been that Hongbin was too afraid to.

All this time, has he been suffering in silence?

But those are big questions, too big for this day that already has stretched them so far, so taut. And he has had too many late night trysts with the younger the past few days, he feels sleep calling him. So he lies Hongbin back down, they both say goodnight as though he hadn’t just said something as shocking as he did, and he goes to his own room.

He falls asleep, and does not dream.

 

* * *

 

**Week 3, Day 1**

Hakyeon wakes up the next morning, and it takes him a second to remember everything that happened last night.

  1. They went to that club.
  2. Hongbin got really, really drunk.
  3. He took Hongbin home.
  4. And Hongbin maybe, sort of, admitted to Hakyeon after getting into his lap that not only does he like when Hakyeon cuddles with him, he really likes it. And he doesn’t like that he likes it.



And Hakyeon, he has a lot of questions he needs answered. He wants to know how long Hongbin has felt like this, wants to know how much of that translated in the way he’s treated him over the years, wants to know if he’s ever properly talked out his feelings with someone. They need to talk, they absolutely have to. But they’re also in the middle of a comeback, and Hakyeon knows that he can’t jeopardize that.

He is swimming in uncharted waters right now, and he has no idea if Hongbin would lash out or get upset or be open with him. Is it worth it to risk that for the sake of their unity? Would it cause more damage to their working relationship to pretend it’s all okay?

He ends up deciding these are questions are better answered after he has coffee in his system, so he ventures out into the kitchen.

Wonshik is sitting facedown on the table, groaning. Sanghyuk is laughing at him, still youthful enough to not have to deal with the harder results of a night out of drinking. Taekwoon has his headphones in, but he looks amused at Wonshik’s complaining. Jaehwan is by the coffee maker, chipper and cheerful, and Hongbin is sitting beside Sanghyuk at the table. Looking a little tired, but largely like himself.

He ignores how the sight of the other man makes his heart rate pick up in his chest.

“Glad to see we’re all still alive,” He says brightly, grabbing a mug from the cupboard, “And we should all be glad we didn’t go overboard and we’re be in great condition for the taping tonight,” He shoots all of them a look, “Right?”

He gets various responses of varying enthusiasm, and a thumbs up from Wonshik. It’s still early in the day, so Hakyeon just grabs the ibuprofen, sets it beside the man, and leaves him be.

“I wanted to thank Taekwoonie, for making sure that you all got home safely.”

“Taekwoon left me to the wolves hyung,” Jaehwan sighs, “I had to physically pull Sanghyuk out of the claws of a noona at least twice my age.”

“I was having fun.”

Jaehwan turns to Sanghyuk, “You’re the absolute worst, you know that right?”

“Well, after hyung dragged Hongbin away I was bored.” He sighs.

“Yeah Hongbin,” Taekwoon interjects. “You went a little wild didn’t you? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that drunk. Hyungs were surprised.”

Hongbin shrugs, “Eh, I just underestimated that vodka I guess.”

“Did Hakyeon and you go straight home? You probably passed out quick.” Jaehwan asks.

“To be honest, I don’t remember much about last night. It comes and goes in bursts.”

Hakyeon remains very quiet, and stirs his coffee.

“I didn’t say anything too crazy, right hyung?” Hongbin is looking at him, smiling. His dimples are showing, and Hakyeon realizes he is absolutely doomed. They might as well put in an order for a gravestone today, because this is absolutely going to kill him.

“No- nah, not really.” He lies.

“Lame.” Sanghyuk says, “Blackout drunkenness is only fun if at least one, life changing secret is revealed. No murder? No affairs? No secret children?”

“You’re saying that’s a _bad_ thing?” Taekwoon asks.

Sanghyuk shrugs, “You all are a snoozefest.”

“Speaking of snoozefest, I’m going back to bed.” Jaehwan addresses Hakyeon. “Make sure I’m up by 2?”

He nods.

“Me too.” Wonshik speaks for the first time since he came into the room, and drags himself upright before stumbling out of the kitchen.

“Anyone else?” He asks, addressing the last three people in the room.

Taekwoon is still focused on his music, Sanghyuk has pulled out his phone and manages a shake of his head.

“Hongbin?” He asks.

“Uh- no. I’m uh, I’m fine.”

Now that the others are gone, Hongbin won’t look him in the eyes. He won’t even glance in his direction. His hands are clasped under the table- a nervous habit that he had picked up years ago.

Hakyeon’s heart sinks. Things just got a whole lot more complicated.

Hongbin had lied when he said he didn’t remember.

 

* * *

 

**Week 3, Day 3**

This has officially become a problem. He knew it was a problem before, but it has reached _Problem_ problem status.

At the recording the night before, Hongbin had been noticeably off. He was acting strange, and was either nervously giggling or stoney and quiet. And it only got worse whenever he was around Hakyeon, even worse still when Hakyeon addressed him. Hongbin is so bad that even their managers are giving him sideways glances. Taekwoon corners Hakyeon in the dressing room as he’s packing up his things.

“This isn’t going away. You need to talk to Hongbin.”

“I know, I will.”

Taekwoon gives him a look.

“What?”

His eyes narrow, “Is there something you’re not telling me? About Hongbin?”

He starts walking out of the room and Taekwoon trails behind him as he says, “What- _why_ would I do that?”

Taekwoon makes a frustrated noise, “Just- fix it, please?”

He stops in his tracks, puts his hands on his shoulders so they maintain eye contact, “I will, I promise.”

“You’d tell me, right?” Taekwoon asks, “If something serious was going on. You wouldn’t do that thing you do, right?”

“What thing?”

“Where you pretend you can handle it by yourself.”

The universe really gave him the perfect counterpart in the form of Jung Taekwoon.

“Of course not.”

His friend looks at him doubtfully, “Hakyeon...”

“I’m serious. It’s alright Taekwoon, I will talk to Hongbin tonight and get it all sorted.”

“And you’ll come to me? If you can’t handle it alone.”

“Yes.”

Taekwoon seems to take that as good enough, and puts his headphones in as they get into the car- signaling the end of the conversation.

Later that night, he knocks on Hongbin’s door after the younger had returned from a dinner with friends. He flexes his hands to try and rid himself of the nervous energy that is overtaking him. He doesn’t know why he’s even nervous, he’s had plenty of tough conversations over the years. One’s with conflict and anger and yelling much more than what Hongbin could ever give him. And he’d just come back from a social outing, so he seemed to be bubbly and in a good mood.

“Come in.” Hongbin says from inside.

Hongbin is sitting down on his bed, and his posture immediately tenses when he sees that it’s Hakyeon- he sits up so he looks unnaturally rigid and stoic. Hakyeon grabs his gaming chair and turns it around so they’re facing each other. Hongbin lets him.

“We need to talk.” He starts.

“What about?”

“Do you really not know?”

Hongbin looks like he’s calculating what to say, but he must not be able to think of a valid way out of this, because he admits defeat in his next sentence.

“I just don’t get why we need to talk about anything is all. We were fine before.”

“Hongbin, you won’t even look me in the eyes.”

“That’s because we talked about it,” Hongbin whispers, “And I was drunk and _stupid_ so now you know and I didn’t _want_ you to know and now it’s embarrassing so I don’t want to look you in the eyes.”

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of!”

“How can you say that?” He says, “There’s everything to be ashamed of!”

“Hongbin, Bin, you’re panicking. You need to breathe, need to calm down.”

He’s no stranger to this. He’d be surprised if any idol was. Even those who don’t experience themselves often have a member who does, sometimes multiple, and Hakyeon is very familiar with panic attacks. But that does not make it any easier to see someone he loves go through them.

“Hyung I- hyung, hyung.” Hongbin’s eyes are getting wet, and he’s holding onto his arms in what seems like an attempt to ground himself. He’s on the verge of hyperventilating, and Hakyeon can’t keep sitting here and watching him.

“Can I touch you Hongbin? Is it okay if I touch you?”

Hongbin nods his head.

Gently, he pulls the other into him. But Hongbin goes limp in his arms as he pants, and ends up on his knees while Hakyeon tries to calm him down.

“It’s okay Hongbin, you’re okay.” He repeats. He listens, as eventually Hongbin’s breaths start to slow, becoming more and more spaced out. He stretches his arm out to grab a tissue from the box sitting on Hongbin’s desk, and hands it to him so he can wipe his eyes and nose.

Hongbin’s head on his knee, Hakyeon’s hands running through his hair.

“You’re so good, aren’t you?”

The tips of his ears turning pink.

_Cute._

“You listened to me so well Bin, calmed yourself down. I know that was scary, but you did such a good job.”

Hongbin murmurs something back, but it’s lost in the fabric of Hakyeon’s pants.

“What was that baby-” He freezes for a second, gauging Hongbin’s reaction at his slipup, but the younger just grips tighter onto his pants leg, so he keeps on going, “Hyung couldn’t hear what you said.”

“I said thank you.”

He scratches along his scalp, and Hongbin lets out a happy sigh.

"They don’t know, do they Binnie? How sweet you are, how good you can be?”

He shakes his head.

They need to talk about this.

“Sorry I got snot on your pants.” He says sheepishly.

“It’s alright, they were old anyway.”

“Hongbin?”

“Hyung I just- we will talk about this. We will, but can we just, stay like this, just for today? Just for right now? Please?”

Hakyeon feels like his heart is going to burst right out of his chest, and he knows that he does not have the strength to say no. Not right now, not like this.

“Yes.”

 

* * *

 

**Week 3, Day 5**

“Hongbin?”

He’s trying again, and this time he really can’t let this be swept away. Hakyeon loves VIXX too much for this to be the thing that breaks them down. Hongbin looks tired too, and that's probably because they're in the midst of a comeback, but Hakyeon can't help but also wonder if what's been happening between them is weighing down on him too. He's wearing an old sweater that he probably got years ago, it's the one with the stretched out neck and frayed sleeves that he always wears on airplanes. It makes Hakyeon feel fond, and he is reminded once again about what is at stake, and what he is petrified to lose. 

“Yeah.”

“I don’t want to upset you, but I think it’s important that we talk about last night. Both last night and the _other_ last night.”

“Alright.” Hongbin murmurs.

“If I bring it up again, will you be okay?”

Hongbin nods.

“Can you say it in words?”

The younger sighs, but obeys in the end.

“Yes I- I should be fine.”

“The things you said...do you remember them?”

Hongbin hesitates.

“Yes.” He says quietly.

“Did you mean them?”

He hesitates again.

“Yes.”

Hakyeon’s chest tightens, contracts, releases.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why did you shut me out all those years?”

“I don’t- hyung I don’t know how to tell you these things. I don’t know how I’m supposed to admit them to you when I could hardly admit them to myself.”

“Because Hongbin I- if that is what you want, you just need to tell me.”

Hongbin’s eyes move upward to meet his, and Hakyeon is reminded that this is _Hongbin,_ this is Lee Hongbin, who he has known for years of his life. This is Hongbin who he has seen through hours of work, through bad haircuts, through embarrassing concepts- who he has fought with and cried with and slept beside; and the distance between them is distance that was only put there out of fear.This is Hongbin, and Hakyeon has no reason to be afraid.

He just wants Hongbin to know that too.

Hakyeon cups his face in his hands, “Because I have always, always been willing to give. You can have me, all of me. You already do.”

“Just let yourself have me.” He whispers.

Hongbin closes the gap between them, light as a butterflies wings, and Hakyeon doesn’t push him.

 

* * *

 

**Week 3, Day 7**

This meeting is just Minhyuk and Hakyeon again, and they are both stone cold sober this time around. It’s mostly because Hakyeon has been busy recounting his tale of the tumultuous past three weeks, and there is no way he can deliver it with any alcohol in his system. It’s unbelievable enough as is.

“Are you serious?” Minhyuk is saying, “Not only did my plan work, but it totally got you a boyfriend too? I am a fucking _genius.”_

“I really don’t think that part was thanks to you Minhyuk,” Hakyeon says with a bemused smile. “Maybe your plan was the catalyst to cause this chain of events, but I think we should give more credit to Hongbin on this one.”

Minhyuk scoffs.

“Oh please, I am going to get a trophy made: “The One Who Got Cha Hakyeon Dick”- that is exactly what it’s going to say.”

“Yeah Minhyuk, that is a great idea. I’m sure the public would love to find out about that one.”

“Okay,” He says, “ I’ll change your name, but _I’ll_ still know who it is.”

Hakyeon pretends to consider this for a moment.

“Deal.”

Minhyuk takes a second to just look at him then, with that stupid, dopey grin on his face, until he finally says, “For real though, I’m happy for you Hakyeon, you deserve someone making you happy.”

“Yeah it’s…it’s nice.” He admits, “It’s nice, having someone, and having it be someone you’ve known and trusted so long.”

“I’m sure the sex is nice too.”

Hakyeon gives him a hard smack on the arm for that.

“Ow, what? I’m right aren’t I?” Minhyuk exclaims, “Or are you too old for sex now, is that it? You can’t get it up anymore? I didn’t know I hit such a sore spot.”

“Remind me why we’re friends again?” Hakyeon laughs.

“Because you love me?”

“I suppose that’s true after all.”

They end up staying at the bar for a few more hours, both pleasantly tipsy and enjoying eachothers company. In two weeks, their friends will be free, and they’re already planning a get together where they can all finally see eachother again. There is only good things ahead, and all he can focus on right now is the way his belly hurts from laughter and his heart is full. As he gets into his cab on the way home, he opens up a text from Hongbin that just says, “Hope ur having fun, if Minhyuk hyung gets u too wasted i’ll come save u.” and he sends back a heart emoji to show his gratitude.

On a cab ride home, tipsy on a Tuesday night: Hakyeon has never felt lighter, and he thinks that this is what getting older really is.

 

* * *

 

**Week XXX, Day XXX (Epilogue)**

It’s not often that they have time for this.

 **“** Aw baby,” He coos, pressing his foot harder into Hongbin’s erection, “What’s this?”

Hongbin makes a noise like he’s been punched, all harsh exhalation. He’s on his knees in front of Hakyeon, his shirts off but his pants are still on and there’s a pretty blush of red spread down the front of his chest and reaching all the way back up to his ears. Hakyeon is fully clothed sitting on his bed, and he’s wearing his stage face right now. It’s one of cold indifference, as though he could not be bothered, and he knows it’s making Hongbin go crazy with it- if the telltale bulge underneath the arch of his foot is any indication.

“Hyung- I,” Hongbin gasped, “hyung please.”

“Please what Binnie? You need to use your words to get what you want.”

“Want you to- I want to, hyung come please.”

“Why should you get to come, hm?” He teases, “What have you done for me?”

“I- I, I can-” He applies more pressure with his foot, and is pleased to see that Hongbin doesn’t move, doesn’t jerk away, but just bites his lip with a scandalized, “ _hyung_ ”

He knows Hongbin is reaching that point, where words get too hard for him and the only sounds that come out are low moans and gasps, but he wants to get him a little more worked up before he finally gives in.

“You’re so pretty like this sweetheart, you know that right?”

Hongbin’s eyelids flutter.

“Do you think the other members would like that? Getting to see you being all pretty for me? Do you think they’d be surprised?”

The others are gone, and they will be for awhile. Both him and Hongbin know that for a fact, but Hongbin gets worked up over the thought of being seen and Hakyeon gets worked up over the possessive thrill it runs through him- so it’s a fun topic to bring up when they are both in the hard and in the heat of the moment.

“I- yes, yes they would hyung can I-” He pauses again when Hakyeon shifts his position, “Can I please suck you off?”

“Of course you can,” He replies, finally taking away his foot, “come over here gorgeous.”

Hongbin hobbles over on his knees to Hakyeon’s lap like a man-starved, tearing at Hakyeon’s belt like it has personally done him wrong. Hakyeon laughs, a real one, and tugs at Hongbin’s hair to calm him down.

“Are you planning on getting to it anytime soon?”

“Since when did your damn belts become so complicated?” Hongbin grumbles.

“I’ve got expensive taste and great legs, it’s how it goes.”

Hongbin glares at him, and Hakyeon shifts his hips towards him to remind the younger of the task at hand. Hongbin still has a glare as he pulls Hakyeon dick out of his pants, but his sour expression is gone the second that he gets it in his mouth. He gets a little overzealous and chokes for a second, but then he gives himself some space and lets Hakyeon in.

“My sweet baby,” He praises. “Being so good for hyung.”

Hongbin whimpers around his dick, and pulls off for a second- looking up at him with glassy eyes. Hakyeon gently takes his thumb and swipes them underneath his eyelashes, catching the moisture on his hand.

“Again, say that again.”

Hakyeon smiles, “What? My baby?”

Hongbin nods. His pink tongue coming out to lick at the head, to sloppily mouth at his balls, and Hakyeon tightens the hand he has fisted in his hair.

“You already,” He groans as Hongbin opens his jaw a little, “You already know that you’re my baby, right?”

“ _Your_ baby.” Hongbin repeats.

“Mine.” Hakyeon agrees, “My gorgeous boy, who listens so well.”

Hongbin smiles, precome making his lips shine, drool in the corner of his mouth, and Hakyeon doesn’t think he’s seen anyone more beautiful. He looks angelic with his pretty face, and it makes Hakyeon feel heady with desire knowing that he’s the one making him so unhinged. And unhinged he surely is; the younger boy stops playing around, and gets all of Hakyeon in his mouth, so the head of his dick is bumping against the back of his throat. He pauses for a second, brow furrowed in concentration as he focuses on opening up.

“That’s it baby,” He sighs. “Just relax your throat.”

Hongbin hums in agreement, and Hakyeon gently starts rocking his hips in a slow rhythm- the sounds coming from Hongbin’s throat are filthy and wet and so hot it makes him want to push even harder. Hold the back of the other’s head into he chokes. But the other boy has been so good to him tonight, so Hakyeon takes it nice and slow. Hongbin is squirming now, trying to find some friction for what must be a painfully hard erection, and because he loves his boy, he carefully puts his foot back in Hongbin’s lap, so that he can hump up against it with Hakyeon’s cock down his throat.

“You’re so desperate, you’ve been waiting a long time for this, huh?”

Hongbin can’t reply with his mouth full, but the way his eyes look up at him- teary and pleading, is all the answer that Hakyeon needs. Hongbin’s hips start moving faster, and he gets more messy, accidentally gagging himself when he loses his concentration. Spit dribbles down his chin, and Hakyeon smears it with his thumb.

“You can come if you need to, but don’t pull off until I come too baby boy.”

Hongbin looks so grateful that Hakyeon almost feels like he should be offering him more than just the ability to have an orgasm if he wants to- but Hongbin has only ever wanted what Hakyeon is willing to give, and all Hakyeon ever wants is to give Hongbin everything he needs.

The younger moves against Hakyeon’s leg, working his hips to get even more contact with his dick, and he helps by pushing back against it so Hongbin can get even better pressure.

Hongbin comes first, a would be whimper trying to make its way out of his throat, but obstructed by Hakyeon’s cock. The sound ends up being a pathetic gurgle, and that alone draws him even closer to his own orgasm. The way that Hongbin has gone so still and rigid as he comes in his pants from humping Hakyeon’s leg, and the tear tracks that stain is pretty face are what draws him over the edge.

“You want it in your mouth, baby?” He asks, because Hakyeon is nothing if not polite.

Hongbin gives him a soft nod, and moves his mouth so the head is at the base of his lips, and his hand is moving up and down the rest of Hakyeon’s cock. He hisses at the cold air hitting the sensitive skin that had been in a warm mouth for so long, and cants his hips up so the head slips and slides between Hongbin’s lips.

He comes with a sigh of Hongbin’s name, and the world fades to a pleasant fuzzy gray as his orgasm washes over him. When his eyes focus again, Hongbin is still on his knees, waiting with an expectant look on his face.

“Come on then,” He laughs. “Show me.”

Hongbin opens his mouth and sticks out his clever tongue so Hakyeon can see his own cooling come, and his spent dick twitches at the sight. Lee Hongbin is an absolute menace.

“You’re such a good boy,” Hakyeon says, and he tugs at Hongbin’s hair so he can come up and give him a kiss. He pulls him into his arms, and they lay back on the bed as Hakyeon helps clean up his dirty mouth. Shoves his own tongue past his lips and traces his teeth until the bitter taste is entirely gone, and Hongbin is pliant and content as he lets him.

Hakyeon allows them to just lay there for a few minutes, but he knows if they don’t get up soon Hongbin will be complaining about his chafing boxers all night. So he rouses the other to get up and get him into the shower and fresh clothes.

Hongbin complains, but he still does it, and Hakyeon thinks that in the long run- nothing has really changed at all.

The life of a leader never stops, but Hakyeon has decided he likes it that way.

(And he has also decided that he needs to listen to Lee Minhyuk more, but that is the last person he wants to be thinking about when he just orgasmed.)

**Author's Note:**

> i've had these 85% finished for literal MONTHS thank god we finally did it boys, and it's also apparently impossible for me to write something without including a scene where they just sleep in a bed together i'm a hoe for some nonsexual intimacy my friends.
> 
> let hakyeon dom and let hongbin be babied 2k19! fic is gonna keep me alive now that we won't have another ot6 comeback in who knows how long
> 
> i'm trying to use my [twitter](https://twitter.com/bellbabyyoon) more so feel free to follow that
> 
> have a good day everyone <3


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